Body Parts Set to Vote on New Breakfast Food

With toaster waffles ending their longstanding term as my chosen breakfast dish (since there are none left in my freezer), campaign season is in full swing for the election of my next breakfast food, which will likely remain in power for the next several weeks.

So far, the most popular candidates seem to be oatmeal, which was nominated by the GOP (GranOla Party), and yogurt, the reigning nominee of the Dairycrats.

Complicating the issue is the fact that I really don’t like oatmeal and can’t stand the taste of yogurt. According to polls, I would vastly prefer to have either bacon and eggs or cereal. However, there’s strong pressure to vote for one of the main two options, since, according to industry advisors, it would be a waste of a vote to pick a food that was unlikely to win the breakfast slot.

A recent referendum suggests that if I were to vote for a rogue dish, bacon and eggs would be the ideal choice. Unfortunately, due to complex logistical issues, it’s largely viewed by the population as an unrealistic selection. I do have easy and immediate access to eggs, which is a strong argument in favour of the dish; however, I don’t have any bacon in the house, and obtaining any would be a questionable use of already strained domestic resources. Additionally, even with the necessary assets, it’s unclear whether I would have the discipline or motivation to get up early enough to properly prepare such a meal before work on a regular basis.

With the de facto elimination of bacon and eggs as a serious candidate, cereal slots in as the optimal choice in the eyes of the public. Voters report seeing few downsides to this option: it tasty, it’s quick and easy to prepare, and all the ingredients are readily at hand, minimizing budget concerns. In addition, I had it for breakfast a few days ago, so there’s historical precedent for its election.

Despite these findings, oatmeal and yogurt have remained clear leaders in the most recent polls. Bodily regions are somewhat divided in their support. Yogurt currently holds a decisive advantage in the bowel and colon ridings, while oatmeal has the edge in most of the muscle regions, including the coveted Heart area. Analysts are skeptical of these early indicators, saying that new and actually credible information in the hours leading up to the deciding vote will likely shake up the current electoral landscape.

The hotly contested mouth and tongue zone remains irreconcilably divided on the yogurt vs oatmeal issue, with yogurt supporters citing the revolting texture of oatmeal, and oatmeal advocates pointing to both yogurt’s similarly pasty constitution and its slightly less tolerable taste. In an historic upset, though, the majority of balloters in this region -namely the tastebuds, which comprise the zone’s strongest voting force – have opted to vote outside of the major two parties; given that the mouth and tongue vote has been a deciding factor in all previous elections, industry veterans are watching the results intently to see if the region’s dominance will continue in the face of such an off-the-wall approach.

Several parts of the brain are advocating for the removal of breakfast from the schedule altogether, but experts expect them to remain an irrelevant minority for the foreseeable future.


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